The Chaos Art

Energy Vampires Anonymous

Başak Ünal

It was a typical Friday morning— 10 a.m. to be exact—in the city's Orthodox church. As usual, the room was prepared for one of the most important support group meetings of the week. Even though there were some new faces around, the group members had known each other since forever. They were never truly happy to be in the room, but the old members had learned how to hide their disgust, and they could act pleased.

As an ex-addict and the current chairman, Joe knew the importance of sponsors. The moment he was appointed by the committee, his first and biggest mission was to reach out to victims of this addiction. It couldn't be described as a hard task, as anyone who had been around an energy vampire was ready to participate. People knew that the issue had gotten out of hand, and they needed to do something to prevent a worse state.

“Please, everyone, be quiet and take your places,” shouted Joe, as he tapped the corner of his chair three times. “I want to start with some questions first, and then we can move forward to the introductions. I see a couple of new faces. I am glad we are reaching more and more people.”

All the members looked around the circle to see the beginners. The regulars remained calm, of course. The newcomers, still in the adaptation period, were not yet that professional. They were in need of feeding on the fresh souls. There were so many questions they wanted to ask just to transform the information into weapons and use them to ruin the victims’ mood. The new group members were even worse, as they hadn't even started the healing process.

Joe broke the silence to prevent any harmful interaction.

“Perhaps we can start with you, Mrs. Topkins. Your goal was to compliment at least three of your students. Can you tell us how that went? You can begin with a little introduction for those who missed the last meeting and our new friends.”

Mrs. Topkins stood up and smoothed the wrinkles on her skirt. She was wearing a very boring gray suit with little to no accessories—only her wedding ring. Everyone in the room supposed that she was in her late forties. Maybe if she had lost the ugly glasses, they could see she was not a day older than thirty.

“Hi, my name is Samantha Topkins, and I am an energy vampire.”

Everyone replied to her in unison.

“Hi, Samantha.”

“This is my third meeting, so I guess I can still say that I am a new member. I don’t really remember when my addiction began. I’m sure I already had a problem when I started high school. I never thought of taking action until recently when my husband wanted a divorce. He gave me an ultimatum, so this is how I started my healing.”

‘Divorce’ was a risky word for energy vampires, and Samantha knew it very well. That’s why she sighed and looked at her fellow members' faces. Just like saying ‘beer’ in front of a few alcoholics, this word could trigger something inside these vampires. Only the strong ones could resist the sweet urge to ask questions about this ‘negative’ situation. A sad soul who had lost a loved one due to an addiction was the perfect meal for them. Some of them were pinching themselves; others were swinging their legs. The guy who was having his first session started biting his nails aggressively.

“I am an English teacher in a public junior high. I feed off my students by demotivating them, giving them unnecessary homework, and explaining the course only by reading from the book. When I see a pair of closing eyes, I hit the student's table and make a terrible noise. I look irritated while doing that, but deep down, I feel a warm feeling filling my body and bringing peace to my mind. I am not proud, and I want to change myself for the better.”

Joe cut her words with a short applause.

“Thank you for your honesty. Now, can you talk about your goal for the week, please.”

After a short period of silence, she continued. She felt so uncomfortable by the stares. Samantha Topkins never liked being the center of attention. She liked being the one who humiliated the ones who were the center of attention, and she was doing it by not leaving the shadows.

“I couldn’t fully achieve my goal, unfortunately.”

The embarrassment that could be directly seen from her face was refreshing for some vampires. Some of the members’ eyes were actually out on stalks.

“This is not my fault. These kids are really annoying and stupid. I gave an assignment, and some of them didn’t even understand the directives very well. I complimented a boy’s paper, and that was a huge step for me. The homework wasn’t so bad; in fact, I really enjoyed reading it. I told him to stay after the class. I felt the fear in his eyes as they all fear me. I admitted to him that his paper was the best one I read in his class. It was painful to say, but I was actually relieved after. Even though I only complimented one student this week, I did something very brave. Instead of reading a fifty-page-long biography of an author, I made them watch a short movie clip about the same writer.”

Joe, the chairman, started the applause; the others continued. Samantha genuinely smiled for the first time in a long time. The satisfaction didn’t come from others’ misery; it came from the joy of self-fulfillment. After brief congratulations, the attention shifted to another member, Gregory Thomas.

Gregory was a white-collar, half-bald, middle-aged man. Even his expensive shirt and luxury-brand watch couldn’t hide his stuffiness. He understood from Joe’s gesture that his time had come. He stood up and started telling his story.

“Hi, my name is Gregory, and I am an energy vampire.”

“Hi, Gregory,” said the crowd all together.

“I always knew I had some kind of problem. I couldn’t help it, and I didn’t know I needed to. I believed everyone would accept who I was. In my office, I used to find busy or annoyed people and tell them long stories. Sometimes, I tricked them into thinking I had memory problems so I could tell the same story over and over. Not only did I tell them stories, but I also gave them useless information. For example, while waiting for the printer, I once gave a guy the whole history of digital printers. It was obvious to me that my enjoyment of watching people lose the shine in their eyes was disturbing.

Loneliness was never a huge problem for me. My mom always told me that I was ‘special,’ and people would hate me for that. I guess the thing she never understood was that I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being atypical. Once I grew up and ‘bullying’ like my childhood friends did was not an option anymore, it was a brand new age for me. I could just bore people to death, and they would still interact with me when they were obliged.

Something inside me changed when I learned that my beloved boss also disliked me. Despite all my efforts for him to like me, he didn’t invite me to his annual barbecue party. I didn’t understand why, as I always tell on my co-workers and let him know everything in the office, he invited everyone but me. I confronted him. I asked him to tell me why I am not an honorable member of this office. He said one simple sentence: ‘You tire everyone mentally.’

So, this is my little story of how I ended up here. Oh, and I didn’t forget about my chores, Joe. I asked two coworkers how their holiday was, and I really listened to them. I didn’t comment on how their tan lines looked bad nor the price absurdity of fancy beaches. I just shook my head and said, ‘I am glad you had such a nice time.’ I guess I did my homework well, didn’t I?”

Joe smiled, satisfied. He clapped his hands as he did for the previous vampire. Everyone was looking at the proud guy who seemed like he just got awarded a star sticker by the teacher. What can a vampire say; once a teacher’s pet, always a teacher’s pet.

After the celebration ceremony, Joe stood up and walked next to an old man with gray hair.

“We can continue with a new face, if you are ready, sir,” Joe said while touching the man’s shoulders.

“Nothing on his face seemed new to me,” whispered the youngster who was known as the class clown. Some laughed, some remained silent. Joe gave them a come-hither look and silenced the ones who couldn’t stop themselves.

“Hi, my name is Benjamin Lincoln, and I am an energy vampire. Did I do it right? Ah, and don’t call me Ben.”

“Hi, Benjamin!”

“I think this whole ‘getting help’ thing is a scam, but my grandson forced me to be here. Let me see what I can say about myself. I am a proud American, a family dad, a retired sergeant, and also a veteran. And those ungrateful imps still think I am a menace to our society.”

Joe understood quickly that he couldn’t present himself autonomously. He needed to be interrupted.

“I know the first times can be hard, Mr. Lincoln. Why don’t you simply start with the event after which you decided to be here, or to be clear, they decided to send you?”

Benjamin grumbled and started to touch his beardless face.

“The huge fight happened because of this little wetback*. It was my seventy-first birthday. I had my steak, I had my beer, and I was getting the respect I deserved. All my children were there, with their families. My grandchildren were playing and running around on the grass. I love all of them equally, even the brown one, Michael. He came near me, told me he got something to show me, excited really. I was too. I expected something I would be proud of, maybe manly.

I lost myself when he started singing. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t get mad because of his ladylike voice. I was furious because the song was in those job stealers’ language. I said no child of mine could use that underdeveloped language. Everyone stared at me. His mother came, almost naked, and screamed at me. What a scumbag. She should stay as a lady of joy for my son. I opened my house to them, and I still don’t see any obeisance. It is true that sometimes I joke about her being a border crosser, but she is lucky I never said anything about her being a cheap woman. The way she dresses, the way she walks… Can you believe, she even WORKS! I bet she never cooks for my son, and she calls herself a lady. More like a tramp.”

He paused for a second to observe the room. Even the most pitiless vampires who liked to put others down seemed discomforted. Benjamin’s eyes glowed. He took a deep breath just like he was absorbing their souls. Maybe coming here was not a terrible choice after all.

“My family left the party after this conflict. Except for my oldest son’s daughter, who still had hope for me. I always liked her, just afraid that she became a naive young woman. She assured me that if I could change my behavior, they would accept me again. She gave me your address, and now I am here. You know the rest.”

Joe was speechless. He hadn’t seen a desperate case like him for a long time. Still, after a very short silence, he gave Mr. Lincoln homework. No matter what, he was forbidden to say a bad word towards any race or women until the next session.

The other vampires followed the same process. They were all so different but shared the same pleasure: the joy of upsetting people and destroying their will to live. The members who came by their own decisions, like the workaholic economist who only talked about the stock market, were easier to rehabilitate. The others who were dragged by a family member or friend, such as the unemployed life coach who had a huge inferiority complex, needed time to accept themselves before starting the real treatment.

When the last vampire, the middle-aged woman who terrorized service workers just for fun, ended her speech Joe stood up and walked to the middle of the circle.

“Everyone did a great job today; please applaud yourselves.”

The support group gave a round of applause while trying to keep their heads still. They were all so tired and bored by all the stories they had to listen to that day.

“Let’s say goodbye now. Next week, same place. You can leave after taking your gifts from our sponsors. And don’t forget, messing with others’ souls won’t fix ours.”

Joe got his coat and walked through the door. He looked around the room one last time. He saw people. They were bored, annoyed, terrified, tired, and most importantly, ashamed of exposing their naked souls. Joe’s eyes glittered. He took a deep breath to absorb the sadness. He left the room smiling, satisfied, and full.

*wetback: a racist word against latin-americans.